In this first episode of Divorce Not Murder, hosts Kristina Ivy and Idaho divorce attorney Robert Taylor discuss the complexities of divorce, parenting challenges, and the importance of shared responsibilities.
The hosts explore the divorce process, including key questions that arise, the differences between uncontested and contested divorces, and the role of mediation. The conversation emphasizes the emotional and practical timelines of divorce, highlighting that while it can be a challenging experience, it doesn’t have to be negative. The hosts aim to provide listeners with valuable insights and strategies for navigating divorce amicably, especially when children are involved.
(Listen on Spotify here.)
Who keeps the pet in a divorce in Idaho?
In Idaho, pets are treated like all items of personal property and are distributed between the parties. Most divorcing couples are able to reach their own agreement regarding their pets, but if they are unable to do so, the court could decide who gets which pet. Some common solutions include dividing the pets between the parties, transferring the pets between the parties’ homes with based on their custody schedule, and dividing up pet care expenses between the parties.
What is the timeline for getting a divorce?
There are three timelines a divorce all divorces will move along on.
- The court process: this is the timeline set by the courts and the Idaho Rules of Family Law Procedure. It can take eight to 18 months for your case to work its way through the court system, depending on which county you live in and how complex your case is.
- The practical timeline: this is how much actual time it might take to resolve an issue. When should someone move out of the house? Does someone need time to look for employment before doing so? When should the house be sold? Does a party need time to see if they qualify for a loan for a new house or car? Sometimes some small, or big, things need to be resolved to resolve the entire divorce.
- Emotional timeline: This is where each party is as far as having time to process the divorce. It’s generally easier to reach an agreement once the parties are at the same point emotionally, though they may not always get there. But sometimes, one person might be ahead of the other person and the other person just needs some time to catch up.
What are the benefits of an uncontested divorce?
The benefits of an uncontested divorce include saving time and money, as well as the parties being able to control the outcome while dissolving their divorce in 30 – 90 days in most cases.
Transcript:
Kristina (00:11)
Hello everybody, welcome to Divorce Not Murder, the podcast where we hopefully make divorce more appealing than homicide. I’m your host, Kristina Ivy, mental health therapist, mom of two, and new addition to the ranks of the recently divorced. We’ve also got Robert Taylor here, Idaho -based divorce attorney and step -parent extraordinaire.
Robert J. Taylor (00:34)
Thanks Kristina, how you doing?
Kristina (00:35)
I’m doing alright, how are you?
Robert J. Taylor (00:38)
Good. How’s your week been going?
Kristina (00:41)
Uh, you know, the house has been down with COVID. We have passed that around a couple of times and that’s miserable. Yeah. I waited two whole years into the pandemic to finally get it. And it was a doozy. It was all it was made out to be. And I don’t like it. No, 10 out of 10 would not do again. No. Yeah. Yes.
Robert J. Taylor (01:02)
Was it worth the wait?
would not recommend zero out of five stars.
Like if CDC had like a Google rating or something, you could give it zero stars. So.
Kristina (01:11)
Absolutely.
I wonder if the CDC is on Yelp.
Robert J. Taylor (01:21)
I don’t know. It’s like on foursquare. They just never got around to updating it again.
Kristina (01:21)
Do you think?
Just the shittiest reviews. Yeah, how about you?
Robert J. Taylor (01:30)
Yes, yes. What was good?
Just been a busy week. My wife’s in Disneyland and I’m just holding down the fort with our three kids this week. So it’s been a busy week.
Kristina (01:44)
Solo parenting. Solo parenting. Yeah, all the things. Awesome. It’s you out of five. Aww. What has been the hardest thing so far about doing it all yourself this week?
Robert J. Taylor (01:45)
So apparently, yes. Also, zero out of five would not recommend.
Yeah.
I don’t know. I mean, I don’t really want to complain. It’s a lot. It’s not hard. It’s just a lot. But I think the hard part’s coming in that I’ve been washing laundry every night and I’ve been drying laundry every night and I’ve been compiling laundry every night.
Kristina (02:19)
Which is to say not folding and putting away and hanging up. So what you’re saying is you’re creating a mountain of laundry.
Robert J. Taylor (02:24)
That is…
Yes, and my wife finds it really annoying when I help do laundry by washing, drying, and not folding and putting away. And so like, I don’t want her to come home and be like, look, here’s mount laundry, because…
Kristina (02:41)
Well, the least you could do is decorate it a little bit, like string up some Christmas lights, put a little flag on top.
Robert J. Taylor (02:48)
No, I’m probably just going to get like a podcast and listen to Dateline and, you know, just put it all away Saturday, maybe Friday night. My exciting Friday night plans. Yes, how has parenting with COVID been?
Kristina (02:59)
one fell swoop of laundry.
It’s hard. You don’t get to tell your five -year -old to make their own breakfast necessarily when you don’t feel like getting out of bed. So you soldier on. I took for granted the opportunities that I had when I was married to tap out. And I think that…
Single parents, man, mad respect. Absolutely. Those are true warriors.
Robert J. Taylor (03:43)
I’m like, been four days, I’m good to get back into the co parenting situation. That’s what I signed up for.
Kristina (03:51)
And you hope to maintain.
Robert J. Taylor (03:54)
That’s the goal Okay, I can’t do this by myself There’s the divorce lawyer maybe and like we just put that on the record that’s gonna be fun to listen to in court All right
Kristina (04:09)
Do you think that times like these when your wife is out of town remind you to be grateful of sort of the shared responsibilities that you have together?
Robert J. Taylor (04:20)
Um, yeah, I mean, like you said, no one to tap out, but also no one to do the other half. It’s great. But I’m also a member of the Army National Guard. And so I spend quite a bit of time home away from home in that regard. And, you know, whenever I’m gone, I’m just at a point where I want to be home and appreciate being home and hanging out with my wife and kids. So, uh, it’s not like I need a reminder of what that’s like, though. I will say normally, when one of us is away, it’s me staying in the hotel room by myself for four or five days on time, not the one home with the kids. It’s definitely different being on this side of it.
Kristina (05:01)
Yeah, so I mean, that’s actually what I meant. Like, does it remind you to have gratitude for your spouse when those times that she’s picking up the load when you’re off, you know, having all that fun playing war?
Robert J. Taylor (05:07)
Yeah?
Yeah, I mean my wife does a lot. It’s just like, man, I don’t even know where all this laundry comes from. My wife tells me like all the time she does a load of laundry or two a day and I’m like, yeah, okay. And then it just keeps compiling. Every time I go in the laundry room, there’s more laundry. Today there was 12 towels on the floor and I don’t understand because there were seven of them in the dryer. But now like a party of four has used 19 towels in three days. Like it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t get it. I don’t, it’s like a laundry fairy.
Kristina (05:44)
So you’re one of those people that believes that like your laundry is probably reproducing. It’s having little laundry babies that you didn’t know about.
Robert J. Taylor (05:49)
Uh, yeah, I got it.
Well, I feel like the teenagers in my house might be contributing to this problem. Like I’ve identified the source, but it’s a lot. And not just that, like, I mean, my wife, the cooks, thankfully cooked some meals for us during the week. So just came home from getting the kids everywhere and reheated dinner. And it’s just like, man, if I had to actually cook the dinner, you know, and the teenagers are old enough to help out with the kitchen.
Kristina (05:57)
Hahaha!
you
Robert J. Taylor (06:19)
It’s like, do the kitchen while I go put the six -year -old in bed. Like, man, what if I had to do the kitchen because kids five or something, you know? That’s just a lot. Definitely. Do not recommend the solo parenting lifestyle if you don’t have to. Zero stars, yes. So, yeah.
Kristina (06:34)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
So you were the one that kind of had the idea for this podcast. You were the one that sold me on the topics, the conversation. What is it that you hope listeners will get out of this?
Robert J. Taylor (06:58)
Yeah. Funny story before I answer that question. The last time that we spoke in person, I told you of some plans that I’d like to do to expand my practice. One of which was a podcast and the other was to add wills and Estate planning to my practice. You asked me if I had enough broadband to handle both of those things or either of those things. I thought about it and was like, yeah, probably not. I’m pretty busy as I am and gave it some more thought and just decided to do both at the same time.
Anyways, and then to drag you into it with me as well, so to bring you along for the ride. So, but I…
Kristina (07:35)
Not only are you
a gluttin’ for punishment, but you’re a sharer.
Robert J. Taylor (07:39)
Yes, yes, it’s good to have a partner. I’ve learned that again this week, but no, but I do think it’s awesome to do this and to help. And you were kind of the ideal behind it. And now when you were getting divorced, we had a good conversation that really framed and shaped the path that you took through that divorce journey. And it’s just like, well, what if we could provide that same information and answer those same questions to the general public? Everybody wants to know.
generally about the same five, the answer to about five to seven questions and then whatever questions are unique to them. And it’s just like, well, what if, what if we could provide that information to people at the beginning of divorce? Or a lot of people don’t really know where to start, or maybe they don’t want their partner to know that they’re making calls to divorce offices, you know? So it’s like, well, what if we just made the information available to everybody?
Kristina (08:34)
Yeah.
Robert J. Taylor (08:35)
And then I decide to rope you in. I mean, you got the perspective of as a social worker, but also, I joke sometimes that I sell a product I don’t want or a service that I don’t want to use by having someone recently go through it adjust to life. And it’s easy for me to focus on the legal aspects of a divorce. A lot of times I’ll say like child support is easy, because it’s just a calculation. It’s just numbers.
Kristina (08:58)
like child support is easy and it’s just a calculation.
Robert J. Taylor (09:02)
But I also keep in mind that I’m not casting the check and I’m not writing the check. And you know, having somebody that lives that life every day or has gone through the experience, I think, you know, your experience, my knowledge on the topic, I think we’ll be able to provide some unique perspectives. And you have a pretty cool co -parenting relationship going on. And I thought that could be kind of cool to experience together. There’s a lot of other podcasts, divorce podcasts in the space who are obviously not
Kristina (09:10)
I think your experience, my knowledge on the topic, I think will be able to provide some unique perspectives. And you have a pretty cool co -parent relationship.
There’s a lot of other podcasts and more podcasts in the States.
Robert J. Taylor (09:31)
As we discovered trying to come up with a name, we’re not unique in the divorce podcast space, but there’s a lot of people, they’re not all attorneys. A lot of times it’s some, a lot of women that are gone through divorce haven’t really enjoyed the process. Maybe they didn’t understand the process, but they’re jaded or bitter at the end of the result. And it doesn’t really matter why. And that’s kind of the context and the framing.
Kristina (09:48)
I’ve listened
Robert J. Taylor (10:00)
of the information that they are putting out. And I’ve listened to some of that and I’ve had my clients, I can tell if a client has listened to some of that. And it’s like, well, that doesn’t
Kristina (10:03)
to some of that and I’ve had my clients, I can tell them a client has listened to that. It’s like well this…
Robert J. Taylor (10:10)
have to be that way. You don’t have to end up at that spot. And I kind of thought that you and your former spouse have done a really good job of navigating away from that spot.
Kristina (10:16)
Well, thanks. I hope to bring that voice to the table. I was with my partner for almost 15 years, married for almost 14. Regardless of the reasons for the dissolution of our marriage, we really took to heart the hope and the desire to be amicable.
not just out of respect for each other, but because we have two kids and those kids are everything. And I think that that’s one of the reasons that people shy away from divorce in the first place is that they don’t want their kids to, you know, that, that whole stigma of a broken home and that stigma of, you know, parents at each other’s throat all the time and fighting over everything in front of the kids and putting them in the middle. And that is never how we want to show up for them.
And yeah, so I think there are strategies that we have that are pretty effective for that. And then there are times that we struggle and happy to talk about some of those things.
Robert J. Taylor (11:28)
I’m happy to have you on board with this project.
Kristina (11:31)
Well, what should we talk about? What first? You said there were some, there were five to seven questions that kind of everyone has, general questions. Are these ones that you hear a lot in your practice?
Robert J. Taylor (11:36)
Well… Yeah, I mean I would say kind of the five main topics, you know, if you have kids. Yeah.
Kristina (11:51)
Here’s, okay, but here’s the question. When I reached out to you, because I absolutely abused my friendship with you and was like, hey, Robert, from the podcast, do you? Right, right. Hey, Robert, divorce attorney extraordinaire. And then I don’t even remember what initial questions I asked you. I really don’t, but were they kind of?
Robert J. Taylor (12:04)
I was like, before there was a podcast to be Robert from the podcast. Yes.
Kristina (12:20)
in the vein that you’re used to getting from folks?
Robert J. Taylor (12:23)
Yeah, they were pretty consistent. I mean, at the end of the day, the same topics need to be resolved amongst most families. And then a lot of families have things that apply to them that are unique, but the general stuff. And when you asked me for some advice, I was hanging out in a tent in Africa. So it wasn’t a lot else competing for my time. So thank you for that. Yeah, good timing, I guess, on both parts. But.
Kristina (12:48)
Yay for me!
Robert J. Taylor (12:53)
I mean, kind of the five things we got to get through in almost every divorce, you know, if they have kids, is what’s the parenting plan look like? What’s child support going to look like? What are we going to do with the house? What are we going to do with the other assets? What are we going to do with the other debts? You know, and then sometimes families have businesses together. Sometimes they own multiple homes. Sometimes they’ve been living apart for three years. Sometimes there’s a pregnancy.
Like there’s always some other stuff that mixes it up, but generally speaking, you know, obviously if you don’t have kids, you don’t care about the first two, but you know, what are we doing with the property? What are we doing with the stuff? What do we, spouse support sometimes comes up.
Kristina (13:36)
And sometimes people have pets that they consider their children. I mean, you’re doing your own custody arrangement sometimes for puppies.
Robert J. Taylor (13:44)
Yeah, we’ve done pets. This is Idaho. We’ve also done guns. Try to figure out who gets what gun.
Kristina (13:51)
Fair enough.
Robert J. Taylor (13:52)
Horses
come up sometimes, came up a couple times this week actually. Dogs come up often. I did one last week where a snake came up.
Kristina (14:05)
A snake. A nope rope.
Robert J. Taylor (14:06)
Yes. So we yes, we have a snake in our house and I mentioned this to my wife and it kind of turned into a debate as to which one of us would have to take the snake.
Kristina (14:19)
Not get to, have to.
Robert J. Taylor (14:21)
Yes. So, but yeah, so I mean, those are kind of the five main questions that we’ll go through with every call regarding divorce. And then I also kind of think there’s three lenses that we look to answer those questions in. The first is, you know, the legal answer, what’s the court going to do? The second is like, well, what do you want to do? What do both parties want to do?
Kristina (14:44)
Mm -hmm.
Robert J. Taylor (14:50)
What are the objectives, what are the goals, what does this look like when you leave? For example, somebody might really want to keep the house, somebody else might want to keep retirement, somebody else, maybe they both want to live in the same neighborhood, maybe they want to keep the kids in the same school that they are now, what is it that they want? I like to say you can probably have almost anything you want from your divorce, but you can’t have everything. And then the third piece is what’s practical? What can the parties afford to do?
Kristina (15:14)
Mm -hmm.
Robert J. Taylor (15:20)
What can their schedules allow them to do? Like what, like yeah, okay, the, you know, once we get through what the court would do and what they want to do, what can they do? And try to approach it through those three lenses.
Kristina (15:33)
Okay. I heard somebody once describe it as kind of go into the situation and as long as everyone leaves the situation feeling like they haven’t won, but they’re okay with the outcome, then that’s the best outcome. Because you shouldn’t be going in there to win it, like win the divorce per se.
Robert J. Taylor (15:52)
Yeah.
Yeah, I would like to think that maybe both parties would be happy. But I also feel like if I’m getting complaints from both sides or hearing complaints that both are equally unhappy, then it’s probably fair.
Kristina (16:11)
Right, as long as it feels equitable in some way, even if that equity is unhappiness.
Robert J. Taylor (16:20)
Yeah, or sometimes people might set out on a course to get what they want and they end up getting what the court says they’re entitled to and there’s a difference. And that doesn’t always make people happy.
Kristina (16:31)
Yeah. Yeah.
It’s an important consideration.
Robert J. Taylor (16:39)
Yes.
Ask me about uncontested divorces. Oh, I edit this out later.
Kristina (16:42)
So I imagine that there’s different paths forward through divorce. You know, you’ve got your contested and then you’ve got your uncontested. Mine was uncontested. I went through mediation. What do you think people need to know about an uncontested divorce?
Robert J. Taylor (16:59)
Yeah, so we do a lot and we specialize or we focus a lot on uncontested divorces. And I would say mediation is maybe a type of uncontested divorce, but it’s also its own special unique resolution outcome. But with uncontested divorce, you know, we do primarily uncontested divorces and the parties have either agreed to the outcome, you know, the desired resolution or they’ve agreed to agree.
down the road, like, you know, people call me and say, we got it all figured out. We just need someone to write it down and get it through the court system. We don’t know anything about the court system. And then other times people call and say, hey, we don’t know anything. We don’t know where to start. We don’t know what we’re doing, but we’ve decided we’re going to get through this as peacefully as possible. And we need someone to kind of guide us through the process. And so really.
Kristina (17:50)
So then you do have like a mediation hat even if you’re not fulfilling that mediator role, like legally.
Robert J. Taylor (17:55)
It’s very, so it’s very, very similar. It looks a lot like mediation, but there’s really a key difference and it’s an important difference. And really it stems from the fact that I’m not allowed to represent both sides of a lawsuit and as a mediator, you’re not allowed to practice law. And so mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates a discussion.
Kristina (18:12)
Hmm.
Robert J. Taylor (18:24)
that’s going to get the parties to an agreement. And the outcome of those sessions of that process is a mediated agreement. It’s a piece of paper with a bunch of terms and topics on it, and everybody signs it, and it’s binding between the two of them. And so, you know, it’s getting people to that point, and it always, always happens. Someone’s signing the document, and either that person or their spouse is saying, does this mean we’re divorced? And it’s like,
Nope, how do you get divorced? And as a mediator, you’re now allowed to practice law or give legal advice. And so it’s kind of like, well, I know the answer, but I’m not allowed to tell you. And it kind of made me feel like I was taking people’s money and not solving the problem. Like they want to get divorced. Like that’s the problem they are looking to solve. And some people do, like, you know, if you have attorneys and you’re already initiated in the legal proceedings, mediation is a good way to…
Kristina (19:11)
Mm.
Robert J. Taylor (19:21)
to conclude those proceedings. And so some people do or truly satisfied and only looking for the outcome or the agreement to that outcome, to mediation. So it works in that scenario. But a lot of people that just call and say, I want to get divorced. What do we do? How do we do it? So with the uncontested process, one person will hire me as an attorney. And that’s, again, that’s different than being neutral with the mediator. And then I am able to give that person advice. I’m unable.
Kristina (19:40)
Hmm.
Do you end up recommending that they obtain representation even if in an uncontested situation?
Robert J. Taylor (19:50)
to give the other partner any advice at all. And.
Uh, I don’t.
Yeah, I don’t recommend it, but I also don’t not recommend it if someone asks. So I mean, we’ve designed a process that really is designed to be a one stop shop and somebody has to hire me and I can’t make anybody agree to anything. So at the end of the day, either we’re going to reach an agreement or we’re not. They’re both going to be happy with or at least being able to live with the terms. I don’t care if they’re happy or like if they accept them. That’s that’s a different piece. But.
People do ask and I would never discourage or tell somebody. I’m not sure that I’m allowed to discourage or tell somebody not to seek counsel if they wish to. And in fact, as part of the process, they sign that they understand that they have that right and they are electing not to or they have done it. But really, we’ve designed a process where if the parties are in agreeance that they don’t need.
Kristina (20:49)
Okay.
Robert J. Taylor (20:56)
to both have attorneys pay tons of money, go through the process. I mean, it only works if they both want it to work. They’re transparent. Everybody has to know where all the bodies are. Everybody has to know where the funds are, what the funds are, what the work, what it, what, what they’re worth, how much money you make, how much money I make, like everything has to be on the table. And a lot of times that sometimes, uh, they may not be very clear with me or about the situation.
Kristina (21:19)
Mm -hmm.
that would be very –
Robert J. Taylor (21:26)
But it’s clear to me that they both understand what’s happening behind the scenes. And it’s like, okay, I got that. But we really hope that it reduces the need for another attorney. I think, you know, early into the, when we made this part of the primary focus of our practice, you know, one of the first clients that I had, not the first clients, but…
Kristina (21:26)
there to be that.
Robert J. Taylor (21:55)
This was a unique client in that the lady said, well, how much assets do you have? And she said, I think we have like a million dollars. And I was like, oh, a million dollars. That was at that point in my career a lot more. Well, it wasn’t pocket change to me, but it was a lot more than I was, I don’t want to say used to dealing with, but had dealt with. But she said,
Kristina (22:10)
Pocket change.
Oh yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Robert J. Taylor (22:21)
Look, they’ve been married for over three decades. Like we spent all this time acquiring our wealth, building our investments. The last thing we want to do is find a stranger and give $40,000 to fight with each other. We have a spreadsheet of who’s getting what. We know how we want this to go. We just need some assistance getting there. And the lady sent me the spreadsheet and I was like, you know, she had true, like I’m getting this, he’s getting that, I’m getting that. And…
didn’t do any tallies. So I got my calculator out and that was probably about two and a half million dollars of items in their house that they had inventoried and divided up between the two of them. And I was like, wow. And they had all this fancy stuff listed there that I was just like, $40,000 piano. But.
Kristina (23:01)
Wow.
Thanks for watching.
Robert J. Taylor (23:12)
But it really kind of put into perspective and framed what it is we’re trying to do, right? Like you don’t need to spend $40,000 getting divorced. It takes six to 18 months to get divorced in a contested proceeding. At the end of the day, the only people who win those cases most of the time are the other attorneys that you’re paying money to solve a problem for you. Our process we do in about 30 to 90 days, we can get you divorced, we can get you moved on. And they’re…
Kristina (23:15)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Robert J. Taylor (23:39)
There are some times where it is appropriate for contested cases. You know, sometimes if somebody, maybe it’s an abusive situation or if one person has, it doesn’t have to be abuse, but one person has either all the power or all the knowledge. And it’s like, well, or if there’s fundamental disagreements on, you know, the outcome of how properties should be split. I don’t know if you have a community property, a state and a $600 ,000 a house that’s paid off and one person says,
Kristina (23:46)
Maybe it’s a situation.
Either all the power or all the knowledge. Or if there’s fundamental disagreements on the outcome of how properties should be split.
state.
Robert J. Taylor (24:08)
Well, I’m not going to share this with you at all. And very clearly, the outcome is, yes, you are. Well, then it’s worth paying $5 ,000 of legal fees to get a $300 ,000 judgment, right? Or kids. I mean, people have different ideals of how to raise kids and sometimes what that should look like. But that’s for a lot of people. Not everybody. It doesn’t work for everybody, but it works for a lot of people.
Kristina (24:17)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Robert J. Taylor (24:37)
I feel like we offer an alternative to that traditional litigation process. Where we’re talking about, yes, we’re talking about six to 18 months, thousands of dollars, drama, stress, discontent. And sometimes I think, not every lawyer is like this, but it’s not uncommon to get a three to five to $10 ,000 retainer depending on where you live.
Kristina (24:42)
For reasonable people.
Robert J. Taylor (25:05)
And if you give someone $5 ,000 to solve a problem, you’re going to have a $5 ,000 problem. You’re going to have a $5 ,000 solution regardless if you need it or not. And we tried to offer an alternative to that.
Kristina (25:16)
Yeah.
It sounds like you’re offering a service to people and that there’s a specific group of people too that this should really apply to. Did you just clock me? Did you just?
Robert J. Taylor (25:29)
Yeah.
Well, I told you
I was gonna give you a hand signal when we reached about 22 minutes and I didn’t.
Kristina (25:36)
This person who just spent 10
minutes espousing the virtues of the uncontested divorce is telling me I’m going over time.
Robert J. Taylor (25:45)
I just told you I was going to let you know when we were about the mark we were aiming for. I didn’t know what the hand signal was. I just showed you the clock. I didn’t want to do anything distracting. So.
Kristina (25:49)
I didn’t know what to answer.
I’m a little disappointed that there was no like league of their own like fake hat motion or like the nose rub and jazz hands like.
Robert J. Taylor (26:01)
Oh, work on it. This is like the first one, well, like work on it. But I mean, I guess having gone through mediation and then followed up with an uncontested divorce, like how much of the stress and like how much smoother was the process on your end?
Kristina (26:13)
Mm -hmm.
Oh, I mean, it was incredibly fast, which of course, you know, has its benefits and it has its detriments. I’ll be honest, but like, um, we decided we were going to pursue divorce in July of last year. And by August 23rd, our divorce was finalized. So, um, you know, we had an initial meeting with a mediator. We had a secondary followup meeting with the mediator.
And then we really just were ready to kind of file everything. We had, as you mentioned, really gone through all of the pieces, asked ourselves the big questions about, you know, debts and about assets and about, of course, our children and our custody arrangements, all of those things, and had really ironed out almost all of it. There were a couple little sticking points around division of assets and again around spousal support.
and around child support. I think that can happen frequently in marriages in which there’s some pretty significant income disparity, either like a stay at home parent or a part -time parent, and then another parent who’s really bringing in the bulk of the financial, you know, the income for the relationship. And people are shocked when…
you know, when I told people, when I disclosed to people close to me that I was getting divorced, and then when I said, oh, my divorce is finalized, it was so quick. It was so quick. People were just shocked. And I was too. And again, it went smooth and it was lovely for that. It allowed us to really continue to show up for our kids and really work on doing a planful.
separation and keep things as stable as possible through that process. And at the same time, I think that the speed of a situation like that can give rise to doubts. Am I doing the right thing? You almost feel like you got on a train and it’s a runaway train and now you can’t pump the brakes even if you wanted to. So there are those emotional pitfalls that come with the expedited divorce as well.
Um, but I like that it was uncontested. I, you know, I like that we were able to be adults through that situation and none of us came up with murder charges. So that’s our goal, right? Divorce, not murder.
Robert J. Taylor (29:02)
Winning, you both won that divorce.
Yes. Oh, I kind of have a theory that for the divorce timeline, there’s three different axises I don’t know if it’s X, Y, Z. I wasn’t a math guy in high school. That’s why I went to law school. But there’s like the process timeline, right? Like how long it take, procedural. Like how long does it take to get divorced? The court system, file deadlines, waiting periods.
that type stuff. I think there’s a practical timeline as well. Some people come up with a plan, then they need time to execute it, right? Like, hey, maybe the plan is that mom moves into this house. Well, okay, we need some time to find the place and we need some time to come up with the first and last deposits and we need some time to schedule the move, right? Like stuff like that. Or if we’re going to refinance the house, how long do you need? Like there’s the…
just the, I lost my train of thought. This was a good access, but there’s that timeline. And then the last is, that’s the practical timeline. And then there’s the emotional timeline where I think people need time to process what they’re going through. And sometimes what I see happens is one person’s done a lot of thinking, a lot of planning, a lot of processing, and then they execute the procedure timeline and the other person needs time to catch up.
Kristina (30:11)
is that’s the bracket of my mind. And then there’s the emotional timeline.
and then they execute the procedural timeline.
Robert J. Taylor (30:32)
Or I’m gonna add a case one time someone came to my office Monday morning because Saturday night they woke up their spouse wasn’t in the house they had they could track each other cell phones so it checked the The cell phone to the reservoir and mount home Same thing happens there at two o ‘clock in the morning on a Saturday night as when you’re in high school And so he was pretty shaken up by that turn of events
Kristina (30:32)
Mm -hmm.
And so he was pretty shaken up by that turn of
events two days later. And so it kind of makes me wonder if you were maybe as far along on the emotional and kind of let it dodge your work.
Robert J. Taylor (31:01)
two days later. And so it kind of makes me wonder like if you were maybe as far along on the emotional timeline as you thought you were like maybe
thought about it came up with all the plans. But then when you were actually like doing it like maybe it was like and sometimes like a lot of people come to me and then there’s like this oh shit this is real moment and they have to like are we really doing this and it sounds like maybe you were having those thoughts as you were wrapping up.
Kristina (31:14)
But then when you were actually like doing it, like, it was like… And sometimes like a lot of people come to me and then there’s like this whole shit, this real moment. And they have to like, are we really doing this? And it’s like maybe you were having this thought.
Robert J. Taylor (31:30)
towards the end of the divorce.
Kristina (31:33)
Yeah, yeah, I think that’s a good way to look at it. You know, those different axes or facets of the situation and they’re not all on the same timeline necessarily.
Robert J. Taylor (31:46)
Yeah, I think there’s three timelines and I think with our process, we get to, the clients get to control the timeline and how fast we proceed. But sometimes you do have clients where one person’s really ready and the other person still come in the terms with this major life change.
Kristina (32:04)
Yeah.
Robert J. Taylor (32:05)
Or sometimes both people are like ready, but then it’s actually happening and there is like this. Yeah, like we’re doing this. So this is, yeah, this is real.
Kristina (32:11)
Oh shit moment. This is a big deal. It should be a big deal.
Robert J. Taylor (32:16)
It is a big deal.
